Sometimes words are not enough.

I hate not being able to do SHIT.

I can’t stand it. I just want to go out and have some fun, I’m old enough. This is getting way too frustrating. Who says you can’t party sober?

I’m home alone, supposed to be doing my homework and studying. My parents are holding me on a leash. I had to take my tunnels out. My hair is now brown, and I can’t watch bleach, nor listen to the music that I like listening to. I feel frustrated and alone. Today is December first, and it was cold and it rained. It was beautiful. I’m in a worried state of mind.

Starting once again, I suck. I need to start practicing. 

The guys made my night. 

Music, cod, driving around, food, guitars and laughter. I couldn’t ask for anything else. Honestly, I love them all. They’re great. Balance, Alex, Jacob, you guys made my night. <3

Church this morning was pretty fun too, I might join the worship team, stoked on that.

A really good night. 

Coffee, Music, Social Networks, Thoughts, and Online school.

Yesterday was amazing, listening to Balance play and sing, we were all there listening. We were alive, and not once did we argue or fight. They’re all real. They don’t hide what they can’t change or what they feel. And I like them, as I let the healthy smoke into my lungs I thought of him and I wasn’t angry anymore. I think I’ve now learned to let go. I mean, before I was afraid of him not coming back. He isn’t, truth be told. We just weren’t meant to be. My honest admission, at least. I can write too. I only thought I could because I was always with you. I soon found out that wasn’t true, and I like it. 

God is real. I know it. Why do I keep letting him down?

It’s the triangle of failure. God, Parents, and Myself. I let all three down.